Life through the eyes of a pampered Bulldog.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Time for a change in weather

I have been hearing talks of Halloween this year. Mom wants me to be a pumpkin like my girlfriend, Zoey, and Dad wants me to be a vampire dog because he says I have the fangs down pat!
I dont really care this year what I am as long as I get to hang out on the porch and lick the faces of all the kids that come up to get the candy!
Man I am not looking forawad to this Winter weather... I was soo cold yesterday I was shivering on the floor- yes with all my blubber, I was shivering.... and Mom put a shirt on me... It warmed me up quite a bit. She took me outside where finally the sun was shining and I laid there and tried to soak up as much sun as I could before I went back into the house.
Why cant it be summertime all year around? Stupid Ohio... I think Im going to go to the mailman and tell him I want there to be no more winter. He should know what to do. After all, he is the person who brings all the change anyway right? He brings good news, he brings bad news, he should be able to change the weather right? We'll see.....

Friday, September 22, 2006

Party Boy

Well, today was my Grammie's 49th Birthday AND I got to deliver the presents! Litterally! Mom and Dad tied her card and wrapped up her presents (a bunch of Lottery tickets) to my collar and I ran and delievered them to her! She was so surprised she started laughing histerically and said 'oh my goodness we've got a party boy...thank you Cyrus!!' I did a great job! I know I did too! heheh The card that we had for Grammie had a pic of me wearing my Hawaiian gear, and said 'Are you ready to party?' and had a neat rhyme inside... Of course I came up with that too but mom will NOT let me take any credit for it because I guess she is trying to teach me to be more 'humble'- grrrr... Dad says 'what can you expect?... He's a stud'... and then Mom always says - 'Well blah blah he needs to learn...blah blah... no treats until he learns to be more polite... blah blah... he needs another baffie...blah blah blah blah...look how cute he is- then comes all the cutesy pictures and such....blah blah blah....ugh-
Dad says I'll 'realize one of theese days when your Mom starts not spoiling you anymore'
He doesnt know it but, I know how to work the system...I know how to make mom feel sorry for me and treat me and then act like I am starving then dad gives me treats too- hahahah shhh... dont tell!

Thursday, September 14, 2006


Not having any hot water really has taken a toll on everyone here at the house... Everyone is so cranky- Including moi!
Mom and dad had to go pick up a new tank today and I had to watch dad carry that big thing downstairs by himself.... I tried to go downstairs to help but the steps were too steep for me and the fact that I'm sure that there are monsters down there in the dark, didn't make it very appealing for me to help... Come to think of it, I know there has to be monsters down there because every time something bad happens in the house, the 'Rents always run down there.... And I'm sure its to see what the monsters have been tearing up down there....
I always try to stand at the steps, puff my chest out and grumble for them to beware of me..... Yeah, I know.... 'They don't want none of this'..........They are scared- I know....

So dad is on a new XBOX 360 kick again... He has been playing this zombie game and mom got bored (imagine that-) and he asked me if I wanted to play... Of course I did! Of course mom had to ruin the intensity and focus of the game by taking another annoying picture....
Dad tells me I need to be more respectful to mom and quit complaining about her or shell cut my allowance (treats) down to zilch.... What does he expect? I'm nearing 2 and technically, it makes me a teenager!......Besides, Mom knows I am her protector....She tells me I'm a good boy for barking at the monsters (okay technically, they are shadows, but I'm not taking any chances) in the yard at night when I go potty and mom follows..... And those friggin pool floaties!.... They come up above the edge of the pool and I swear they are dangerous to her health....I know too, they can't fool me, I know they taunt me and tell me that they are gonna get her... I know...
Not on my time! See?! I love my mom.... (Just don't tell her that or she'll go all cutesy on me)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


My foot is feeling much better... It has been raining like crazy.... Last night the 'Rents had somewhat of a Nip/Tuck party.... They love that show....I don't mind though because there is always excitement in the air after its over or commercial time.....
I must have been too rowdy because dad brocaded me in the kitchen away from all the people... He told me to 'Settle Down'... I know what that means, and I know that he was a little peeved with me...
Today our hot water tank decided to take a platz... (hehe so dad says) he has been down in the basement all day draining it and cussing like a sailor.... Mom thinks its funny hahah
I guess dad was flying out into the garage -in his massaging slippers in the rain and fell and busted himself up pretty good- I tried to lick him to make him feel better while Mom had absolutely no sympathy because she was laughing so hard she couldn't even look at him, let alone get a bandaid... So she's been calling him 'Gimpy'.....She is heartless.....

Monday, September 11, 2006

Feeling the Oats!

So, yesterday I was really 'feeling my oats' so mom says... I was apparently annoying the crap out of the 'Rents because mom decided to start bugging me right back- first she got out the toe nail polish - which, thank god Dad stopped before I was brindle and white with PINK all over!
Then she layered me up with some hula lays, then she got the bright idea to put her sweatshirt on me- oddly enough, it actually fit me!- Mom had to even cut the neck of it a little bit to get it over my big head! (oh well, you know what they say about having a big head?- That you have big brains!) Take that my silly little human master! My brains are bigger than yours! AHA!
Needless to say, I was so pooped out (tired) that I was the one that ended up being annoyed.... She always gets me in the end.... Darn her!
Today Im bummed out... not only did it rain outside but, my left front paw is sore.... I have another one of those 'Interdigital Cysts' so I had to stand in the tub for a half an hour in warm water and epson salts - GRRR!
Fortunately, for me, they only seem to last about a week when they are caught when it hurts the most or is red and puffy...
Mom says that bulldogs get them most and no one really seems to know how or why dogs get them but are probably caused by debris in between my toes....(YEAH LIKE STUPID OLD PINE NEEDLES!) Oh man, I hope she didnt hear me... I heard them talking about me saying that Dog Boots are going to be a must have item for this winter.... Im not to fond of the idea because my luck, mom will friggin buy me some hot pink ones- Hopefully Dad will step in.....

So now, I am lounging around with my new akc bird toy with an herbal calmative in my system and stinky Bag Balm in between my toes! I feel better though... I at least dont feel the urge to lick the bump off my foot!
So its Kick Back and Relaxin' time!