Finally!!!!!! At last I'm free again to taste that sweet taste of Internet cookies and feel the wind race between my toes as I type!!
It has been like a year since my last post and I am a new dog!! So much has happened within that time frame, I don't know where to begin!
Well, for starters, I'll begin by us moving... We moved to this new place where I have my own balcony (The 'rents call it 'Isle De La Roni'- since they frequently call me Cyronius and crazy names like Roni, Ronzoni, Cyroni Poni.... ugh, you'd think they'd learn by now that I will respond to anything as long as they are holding a treat in front me...) But anyway, the Isle De La Roni is awesome because during the day I get to go out there and sun myself while I watch the birds and the neighbors play... AND.....AND.... AND my next door neighbor is a Bulldog named Biscuit!! My 'rents and his 'rents are arranging a play date so we can test our brute butt wiggling skills! We also have a lake with real live geese!! (although they don't seem to like my mom because she never seems to be amazed how much they like to casually fly by and poop on her car) I told her that she needs to consult the mailman about it. (In case you don't know, I have come to the realization that the mailman is the bringer of all news and I believe down in my wrinkles that he knows all and can change all...) Anyway, this winter, I tried chasing the geese onto the middle of the pond... However, mom saved my life because I walked out on the ice and almost fell in....Which brings me to the next MAIN EVENT in my life. Perhaps I wouldn't have been heavy enough to break the ice if I still had my manhood. That's right, I got snipped. I am ashamed to say it. I am not the stud I used to be. I am overcoming the complexities of being a neuter by drowning my sorrows in a generously proportioned bowl of Royal Canin Bulldog Formula 24. The 'rents tried to keep my spirits up by taking me for a walk to get me out of the house during my trying times but, I have to admit, I still don't have the zest for marking the public tree as I used to. I admit, sometimes when life has me down, I pee like a girl. Yes.... Yes.. I am Bulldog enough to say it..... I do get lazy and squat. Sometimes, I deem it necessary to even lean up against my claimed territory while relieving myself. Yeah, the 'rents laugh at me, yeah the people across the street think it's funny at times. But what would you do if your 'rents woke you up at the crack of dawn (yeah, 8:30am is the crack of dawn to me okay?!!) to go outside???...So what? We are establishing that I am not the early bird I once was. Instead of waking early, going outside to 'dooty' then watching the morning news, I'd rather sleep in until about noon, then go outside. The 'rents cant believe my bladder holding capabilities... I will hold it all night if I have to, you won't catch me outside when it rains! I do still love to do the same things I used to, like play ball- that never gets old to me. (well I do get winded and have to lay belly down in the coldest spot in the yard but...I still keep up with the best of them)
The Vet my mom used to work for said that its "normal for me to loose the "umph" in life.... But I think the 'rents were more or less wanting me to loose the "hump" in life hahahahah- (See that play on words??!! See, I still got it after all this time!!) But anyway, yeah the whole event of me loosing my manhood was actually not so bad... Because my mom was a Vet assistant for Dr. Allen, she got to be in there and hold my hand through it all... She even gave me a snazzy hair cut on my leg and down in that region.... When I woke up, I was in the 'doggie suite' kennel area in the back with lots of comfy blankets to lay on (yeah I got the royal treatment so to speak) however, the meds they gave me to wake me up made me sicker than I had ever felt before and threw up all over the blankets- yeah not a fun moment in time. I quickly learned that my mom is a genius for giving me ice chips... Oh they are amazing when you barf!! I would definitely suggest it to your 'rents!
So anyway, yeah, I'm no longer a stud, I have a cool new place with tons of room and windows, my own 'Island', lots of yard and places to go for a walk, cranky geese and huge fish in the lake that I get to SIT (because sitting is all I'm gonna be doing around that thing)by, cool neighbors that are wrinkly and fat-ish (I'm not admitting I'm fat because technically I am up to the bulldog standards in weight contrary to popular belief) like me! ANNNNDDDD the biggest news that has got me actually off my bum, buzzing around the house is the talk of us getting a new family member!!!!! I have been missing Willard, my feline friend that used to chase me around the house. He went to live with my Grammy and I am here left to watch the birds alone. (because mom and dad aren't fond of birdwatching) Well, not for long!! The talk around the house is that we are adopting a new cat. Not just any cat, mom says, a Himalayan/Persian . I guess it will be a girl cat because all mom keeps talking about how she'll finally get to hang out with a 'girl in the house' - as if its soooo bad to hang out with just us boys- geesh!!Dad says Im making off well in the deal because with the new girl cat, mom won't be trying to dress me up in pink bows and little fru fru dresses and all that girly crap, she will have her own little girly cat with lots of fur to primp instead!! WHEW!!!
I think it's cool that we are getting a Persian cat cause dad says that Persians aren't like any cat, they are like the Bulldogs of the cat world! I like that idea, now hopefully she likes to watch birds, snore and fart too so I will have someone to hang out with everyday and share the blame with!.....
Little by little, the world is turning in my favor!!
Whelp, (haha I did it again... Get it? Whelp? hahah I'm full of it tonight!!) I am gonna go try and see if I can weasel a piece of hamburger from dad before he scarfs it all down... I can smell the wonderful aroma from here....
Good night all...
Hope to hear from you soon! I am not anticipating making the lack of posts a habit... Now I think the 'rents will gladly help me out on here, because of my 'lack of zest for the finer things in life' - hey, I'm not above using all that pity to my advantage, you know me!!